as of yesterday, it's official.
i have a boyfriend. :)


movie quote

I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.



why does everything have to be so complicated?

i just got an email from a good friend. she received a phone call from her (quite serious) boyfriend, in which he said that he loved her, but he wasn't in love with her.
now her heart is reeling.. maybe close to being broken.. and now she has a million more questions to add to the three million that were already there.

boys make life complicated.
they make us face issues we never knew were there.
you know, the ones that ask "how could anyone ever love me" or "why would this amazing person pursue me? is it pity? or do they really admire me as much as i do them?" oh, and my favorite part of relationships.. dealing with self-esteem/self-worth issues. who am i really? both in the relationship, and apart from it. and are those two people the same person? if not, why not??

i don't know if i'm making any sense right now. i guess i'm just frustrated with the male race right now, because one of them hurt someone that i care about.
i'm also scared... not that mine would do that to me... but i'm scared of our next conversation. why? well, he's still in costa rica. on my end, i've missed him so much more than i ever expected to. and my fear is that he won't have missed me as much as he anticipated. i want to be on the same page... i'm tired of being hurt.. and i'm tired of being the one who cares more in a relationship/friendship. this one so far has proven to be the opposite. i'd like it to stay that way. but the unknown is scary.


going home?

only a few more days, and i'll be in montana!!
i'm a bit nervous. i don't quite know what to expect. it's been eight months since my last visit, and so much has changed. i'm afraid of feeling like i don't belong.. i know i'll have a great time with my friends there.. mike and glenda, erin and wells.. but i also know that it will be different. good different, but still different. and although change is good, that doesn't mean it's easy.

last time i visited, it was hard to leave to come back to omaha. there was nothing here that made me excited to come back.
this time is different. not only do i have several friends who i will be excited to see; this time, i will have a certain boy waiting for me. i've never had that before.
so not only will i not dread leaving.. i'll be excited to get back.
hooray! :)


change in thinking

something changed last week.
a group of us were getting together to see shakespeare on the green (we ended up getting rained out). in the planning of it, i told the girls i was inviting a 'date' along.
i was thinking later about the implications of such a request. a lot of people would be there; therefore, a lot of people would realize that there was "something going on" between the two of us. and you know what my next thought was?
i don't care!!! and not only do i not care if people know.. i want people to find out.

he left for costa rica on wednesday.
jackie and i were able to surprise him by showing up at the airport at 4:30am to see him and the team off. i don't think i've ever seen him smile like that.
it was defnitely worth the lost sleep.
i got home at approximately 6am, and fell asleep almost immediately. i awoke again at 9:20am to find my heart feeling a little sad...
why? because i already missed him.
now, all sappiness aside, this really took me by surprise! i had told myself before he left that i wouldn't miss him much. for one thing, it's only a twelve day trip. secondly, half of that time, i'll be in montana.
but alas, despite all my attempts to convince myself, i began missing him three hours after he left.
it could have something to do with the last several days. i either saw or talked to him seven days straight...
and after every time, i walked away feeling a better person for the time spent together.
talking with him challenges me to be a better person.
the more i get to know him, the more honored i feel that he's chosen to pursue me.
on tuesday, i didn't go to work because of a horrible pain in my left shoulder. i called in to work (something i never do) and went straight to the doctor. she said my muscles were angry with me.. most likely from saturday when i went tubing. she gave me muscle relaxants (dreadful things!) and told me to go home and sleep.
i was secretly glad that i didn't have to go to work. it was his last day in the country, and i wanted to spend time with him. he had called on monday to say he really wanted to see me before he left.
i called to let him know i wasn't at work (so he didn't come pick me up for a lunch date!)
his reaction: "are you okay? are you sure? can i bring you anything?"
he ended up bringing me lunch and spending the better part of the afternoon keeping me company. we baked a chocolate cake with homemade caramel frosting for him to take to life group..
when it came time for him to leave (he thought this was our last time seeing each other until after our trips), he said he didn't want to leave.. that he'd rather stay with me.
i was screaming inside.. a joyful scream. this really amazing man of God wants to spend time with me! and his eyes were sad because he knew he had to leave.
he then asked if a hug would be inappropriate. i said no... and he hugged me.
not a big deal, you may say.
but for some reason, it was. and i can't wait for it to happen again.