i'm sitting at work with nothing to do.
well, i could be doing homework. i have enough of it to go around. but i'm having trouble finding the motivation...
i haven't relaxed much at all recently. i'm not very good at it. i can always think of something more important to do than relax. then i feel dragged down.. kind of like right now. so maybe i should relax.. i supposed that would be the logical conclusion.
school is hard this semester. i think i've said that every semester, but this one really is harder than any other. i'm taking a class that, in the words of my teacher, is the "culmination of your degree up to this point, to see if you've really learned what you were supposed to learn". my whole degree basically rests on how i do in this class. research, paper writing, statistics, methods, data collection, study skills.. you name it. it's kicking me in the tail, but i do have a consolation: only three months left! then one more semester (which should be a much lighter load), and no more school for this girl!
all that being said, i'm starting to feel that my relationships have been suffering the last couple months. first it was finals, then the holidays, and now this semester. i seem to have no time for those important people in my life.. and i don't like it.

how do you balance everything? work. school. friends. my family. his family. my husband. and most importantly, God. we weren't created to be this busy.


getting my attention

something tells me He's trying to get my attention.
sometimes i wonder to myself, and i think we all do every now and then, why life has to be so hard. why can't something, anything, just come easy?
i know all the right answers, such as "what would it be worth if it came easy", or "would you value it if you didn't work for it".
but the questions still come.

i was hit twice today by Truth from the mouths of two different men.
the first was David Crowder in his book Praise Habit: finding God in sunsets and sushi:

in the desert, what is it we beg for? it seems a vicious and familiar trend of God to lead His own into wildernesses. usually, we look around and see nothing but sand while anger rises inside. we think we should be anywhere but the middle of heat and dust. the wind is harsh and stings with silt. sand is getting in our socks and dirtying our ankles as it mixes with out sweat. we always assume that the desert is not where we belong. perhaps it was too subtle, but if we would have paid attention we might have felt His hand with delicate softness take ours, and our fingers slowly interlock, and then the gentle pull away from the green grass and the mountain springs. we might have seen that we did not wander here alone...
the second set of wise words came from Les Beauchamp, a pastor i have looked up to from the moment i met him (spoken sunday morning 1/21/07):
Life is characterized by torrents.
Life is characterized by storms.
Do you know why?
We are living on a broken earth – do you know that?
and so your life will be characterized by those things.
And the sooner you get over that, the better off you’ll be.

If your life, you believe, is to be characterized by wonderful things and things never going wrong and your body never breaking down, which planet earth and the media tell you, “that’s your goal – if you eat this, if you sleep well, if you drink this, if you listen to this, if you go here – life will go well for you”

It’s not true. You can stave off the brokenness of life a little bit, but the fact of the matter is, Jesus is telling us, these are ultimate realities.
The torrents of life will come.
life lesson to be learned: trust. in His timing. His goodness. His faithfulness.
He can be trusted. test Him; He'll prove Himself, over and over again. and over again. try it, i dare you. and He'll do more than just prove Himself. He'll reveal His very heart and character to you, and show you so much love that you may just break down weeping....


perfect night

i had the perfect night last night. i got home, when for a two and a half mile run/walk, showered, and waited for my hubby to get home. i got dressed, did my hair, and put on makeup, getting hungrier every minute. we headed out to redeem one of our Christmas gift cards.. to my favorite restaurant! PFChang's... you just can't go wrong. after drinking mango iced tea and eating lettuce wraps, our meals came out.... mmmmm..... i just can't say anymore. it was too good for words (i'm feeling a bit dramatic this morning if you couldn't tell).

we walked around the mall a bit, then headed to the store for some Nyquil (gotta love those winter colds). then out to coldstone, where we shared a "love it" size of cheesecake ice cream with strawberries mixed in. finally, we headed home to watch a couple episodes of friends. we laughed harder than i'd like to admit.. i don't know what it is about that show that gets me so bad.

it was the perfect evening together. nothing super out of the ordinary, just good time connecting and being with one another. i couldn't ask for more.

the surprise of the evening: somewhere in the midst of all that, Matt slipped something in my pocket. he had used his Christmas and birthday money to get me what i've been talking about for months. that's right, he got me an iPod. the green one. just what i wanted. i couldn't believe it. i'm still pretty much in shock... and loving every second of it.


i've been asking everyone what their favorite Christmas present was. maybe i'll ask customers that today; people seem to be crabby, maybe because of the weather. maybe that would cheer people up. or at least open the door to somewhat more real conversation.

my favorite present was a painting. artist? my brother-in-law. it's one i've had my eye on for quite some time. and it's just beautiful. it's now hanging over our couch, and i couldn't be a prouder sister-in-law. :)

we're starting off the new year pretty well.. Matt has an interview next week. it's something completely different than anything he's ever done. and it will completely change our lives if he gets it! i'm excited to see what will happen in the coming months. it's been so obvious that God has been preparing us for something big. now it's just waiting to see what that something is.

Stephie stayed with us Christmas Eve weekend. it was so good to have her here.
will you move back??? i miss our times together. they're just so few and far between these days. it's better than nothing, that's for sure. but i do miss you.