deep thoughts early

life is a funny thing.
do you ever wonder why things are the way they are? why boys like girls and vice versa? why the only thing my co-workers (not to mention the people on TV) seem to be able to talk about is sex? why some things seem right and normal, and others don't? why we're so selfish in general? i know i have to fight being selfish every second of everyday. living with someone has taught me a lot about how selfish i am. it's definitely a wake-up call.

i don't know where these thoughts are coming from.. they're just rolling around in my brain this morning. it's too early, and i'm too tired, to be thinking like this!

my mom's back in the hospital. she had minor surgery yesterday, and they were able to do it the "easy", less-intrusive way. thank God. now she needs to go home and stay there.. i don't like her having to keep going to the hospital. her and my dad need lots of prayer; they're going through the wringer right now! they're growing and learning so much from it.. but it's always hard to watch someone you love going through something so difficult. i'm so thankful for my parents. they're not the typical parents that you hear about on tv or from some of your friends.. they're the kind that really truly care, and would lay their lives down in a heartbeat if it meant saving yours.

a happy thought: we're going to montana in just over a month! i can hardly wait. i'm so excited for Matt to see where i lived, and the thousand places i want to take him to. i'm hoping the back room still has the best ribs in the country.. it'll be quite the disappointment if they've gone down the tubes.

okay, enough random thoughts from this end. have wonderful days, wherever you are!


words of wisdom from Oswald Chambers (may 30)

"If a person is ever going to do anything worthwhile, there will be times when he must risk everything by his leap in the dark. In the spiritual realm, Jesus Christ demands that you risk everything you hold on to or believe through common sense, and leap by faith into what He says. Once you obey, you will immediately find that what He says is as solidly consistent as common sense."

(click on blog title for more wise words)



i got hit with a little bit of reality this week.
you know how when you're little, you think your parents are going to live forever?
as i've gotten older, i've realized that was right up there with thinking your parents knew the answer to everything, and that life was easier when you grew up. it's just not true. but i've held onto the idea that my parents will always be around; it's just easier to think that way. i can't imagine life without them around.

long story short, i had to take my mom to the emergency room on tuesday. i stopped over after i got off work (my dad was out of town), and found her in pretty bad shape. she was okay; just a little scared, and shaking all over. we're praying hard that it's not parkinson's. please pray with us! it was a scary, and quite stressful, couple of days. my dad left tulsa to come home early, so a bit of the stress lifted when he arrived yesterday afternoon.

but what it comes down to is an issue of mortality. i don't like thinking that my parents are getting older, and reality is, it's more likely that i will outlive them than they me. and naturally, that is the better way... though i would like to believe in my little world that i will never have to go through losing someone so close. so i guess it's not so much an issue of my parents as it is people i love in general - i think it's really hard for us as humans to grasp the idea of death. even when we know as believers that there's a better life waiting for us after life here.

so here i am, on a pretty normal thursday, thinking deep thoughts... don't mind me. :)


Matt's new haircut..

how could you help but fall for such a good-looking bald guy?
all you other women, stay away from my man!! :)
(i'm sure there won't be a problem)
but seriously, i think he's cute with his new hair. i'd better.. i helped make it happen!



that was good for my heart.
thank you, Stephie, for a wonderful time. it was good to hear what's on your heart, and to drink a granita with you. Matt said maybe we should move to chicago and start a band.... something about never having jammed with a girl before, and that he enjoyed playing guitar with you more than he has with anyone in a very long time. quite a compliment, if you ask me. :)

my heart is sad to see you go, but i'm excited for where God's taking you.. keep me posted.


mom's day

what a great weekend. i wish more could be as good, and as long!
it was my last saturday for a month that i had off. and i made good use of it.
we got up pretty early for a saturday, went for an hour walk, had some lunch. then i went to my parent's house and planted flowers for at least an hour. i've decided that planting is one of the best forms of therapy out there. it's so comforting (i know my sister would agree!).
we then headed over to iowa for Steve's graduation party. at first, it was us and family, and two other people who we knew. but after a while, the whole crew started to show up. we ended up being there for almost five hours! i was a space cadet the whole time, but still fully enjoyed the evening. we actually tried to leave about four times before we finally succeeded; we were both tired, and wanting to go home, but wanting to stay overruled the tiredness. that's a good sign of a fun night. :)

yesterday was a day with moms, as it should have been! we picked up Grace at 10am and headed down to the botannical gardens. let me just say - i was on overload from the first half block! the flowers and colors were so beautiful that i couldn't take it all in. the best part (and most annoying for Stacie i'm sure) was Noah every half second pointing and say "what that?" so cute. it started to rain, so we headed to three happiness on leavenworth to eat chinese.. and good chinese it was! i'd never been there before.
we dropped his mom off at home and headed to the grocery store to get the goods for dinner. we went to my parents, looked through wedding pictures, hung out, talked, and had dinner. i made fettuccine alreado from scrath, one of my mom's favorites. it turned out to be a huge success - even my grandma ate a generous plateful, and was full of compliments! that's the true test right there.

we then headed to crane and talked for a while (just me and Matt by this time), then headed home for some much-needed time together (we won't be seeing each other again today until probably 10pm or so). i'm happy to say, we watched 13 going on 30, and he fully enjoyed it. you gotta love a guy who can enjoy a good chick flick every once in a while! :)

now on to work.. it's going to be a long few weeks... but i'm not doing this alone. that's what's important.


night vs. day

i am tired today!
i seem to have married a man who is a night owl; then there's me - an incurable morning person. i don't feel right unless i'm up by 8am at the very latest. i woke up this morning at 7:20, even though i didn't have to be at work until 10! craziness, i tell you.
and it wouldn't be so bad, except my wonderful husband comes alive at nights. there's no way i'm going to stop him from talking when he's pouring out his heart, because i love that he talks to me about what's going on inside of him. it just so happens that his mind is most active, and he's most able to share, after 11 at night. by 11, my brain feels like mush! my only hope is that i didn't offend him too badly with my half-thought-through responses coming out of that brain of mush.
all that to say, i'm sleepy! but that same wonderful man that i married (almost four months ago!) got up and made me coffee before i left for work. so that softens the ache of sleepiness...

tonight is a long-awaited date night! we usually save tuesday nights for that purpose, but we had his family over instead. we thought we could move it to thursday night, because wednesday if off limits. why? doesn't everyone know? watching Lost with the girls! and it was a new episode! as you can see, it's non-negotiable. ;) but thursday ended up being a gathering for the national day of prayer, which Matt wanted to attend. so tonight, date night has finally come upon us! :) we'll be using a couple of gift certificates we've hoarded since Christmas: one to Kobe steak house, and the other to amc theaters. MI:3, here we come!


this one goes out to Stephie...

i read your most recent post a couple of days ago, and all i wanted to do was reach over to chicago to give you a hug and drink a granita with you. i wish i could be there to talk.. to listen.. i miss when our friendship was across town, not across a couple of states.

know that you are in my thoughts and prayers today, and that your friendship is dear to me! much love in the chicagoish direction!!!

chocolate & flowers, and some Donald Miller

i had lunch with my dad yesterday and cried pretty much all the way through it. without going into details, let's just say that i'm fed up with my job and the "politics" of the company, and that i've started sending my resume to other places! all of them are in the human services field, which is where i want to be long term anyway, so it would be a good move! now it's just waiting and praying that something, the right thing, comes through.
all that to say, since i had lunch with my dad yesterday, he knew how down i was. this morning, he came walking through the doors of the bank, flowers and starbucks mocha in hand. all i could do was give him a dumbfounded look; he said that after yesterday, he thought i may need some cheering up. and i cried.
my question: how many dads do that for their mid-twenties daughter??? not many. and i'm incredibly thankful. it brightened my day more than almost anything could have.

i called my mom after he left to see if she knew what her husband was up to. she said no, but did he tell me what he found out this morning?
very long story short, after one company bought another, and then it happened another time, his position in omaha is being eliminated. so either they offer him a position in Tulsa, or he looks for something else. ouch. talk about a hard decision. i know he really wants to stay in omaha.. his home has been here since he was young, his church is here, his family is here. the main consolation is that i know God is in control, and the my dad hears His voice. even if that means moving, i trust him to hear His voice. although it would be really hard to see them move.....

lots to think about. i need to constantly remind myself of what's really important. what's my chief purpose? according to a great theologian (Tozer maybe?), it is "to glorify God and enjoy Him forever". God comes first. then my husband, and my family. then my ministry. then my job. and hopefully someday, my job and my ministry will be one and the same!


from Through Painted Deserts...

"i've learned, too, that i don't really know very much about anything. i mean, i used to have all these theories about life. i thought i had everybody figured out, even God, but i don't. i think the woods, being away from all the clingy soot of commercialism, have taught me life is enormous, and i am very tiny in the middle of it. i feel, at times, like a droplet of water in a raging river. i know for a fact that as a grain of sand compares in size to the earth itself, i compare in size to the cosmos. i am that insignificant. and yet the chemicals in my brain that make me feel beauty when i look up at the stars, when i watch the sunset, indicate i must be here for a reason. i think i would sum it up this way: life is not a story about me, but it is being told to me, and i can be glad of that. i think that is the why of life and, in fact, the why of this ancient faith i am caught up in: to enjoy God. the stars were created to dazzle us, like a love letter; light itself is just a metaphor, something that exists outside of time, made up of what seems like nothing, infinite in its power, something that can be experienced but not understood, like God. relationships between men and women indicate something of the nature of God--that He is relational, that He feels love and loss. it's all metaphor, and the story is about us; it's about all of us who God made, and God Himself, just enjoying each other... "