7.14.2004

complicated

why does everything have to be so complicated?

i just got an email from a good friend. she received a phone call from her (quite serious) boyfriend, in which he said that he loved her, but he wasn't in love with her.
now her heart is reeling.. maybe close to being broken.. and now she has a million more questions to add to the three million that were already there.

boys make life complicated.
they make us face issues we never knew were there.
you know, the ones that ask "how could anyone ever love me" or "why would this amazing person pursue me? is it pity? or do they really admire me as much as i do them?" oh, and my favorite part of relationships.. dealing with self-esteem/self-worth issues. who am i really? both in the relationship, and apart from it. and are those two people the same person? if not, why not??

i don't know if i'm making any sense right now. i guess i'm just frustrated with the male race right now, because one of them hurt someone that i care about.
i'm also scared... not that mine would do that to me... but i'm scared of our next conversation. why? well, he's still in costa rica. on my end, i've missed him so much more than i ever expected to. and my fear is that he won't have missed me as much as he anticipated. i want to be on the same page... i'm tired of being hurt.. and i'm tired of being the one who cares more in a relationship/friendship. this one so far has proven to be the opposite. i'd like it to stay that way. but the unknown is scary.

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