sometimes i think i forget how. or maybe i just forget to try. i'm thinking it's more of the latter. why? because sometimes it's just easier not to dream than to dream when dreaming seems pointless.
i was telling Matt last night that when i come to work, i tend to be present merely in body. i'm not "present" mentally or emotionally. there's really no need to be. i do the same things day after day, most of which i could do with my eyes closed. i'm not learning anything new, and i don't seem to be headed in a direction anywhere near where my heart is. and when you're in that place, it's painful to keep dreaming.
but what i wonder is, in the long run, is it more harmful not to dream? if i don't dream now, even in the midst of boring routine, why would i dream later?
i need strength. and a desire to keep on dreaming, even though it makes the days harder right now. even if it seems to be breaking my heart.
could someone tell me how to do that?