Stephie, i post this with you in mind. for one thing, we've been playing phone tag like crazy the last few days, and i don't like it! you are in my thoughts and prayers. you said in your post that you needed love from friends.. know that you have it from me!
another thing: i was reading the exerpt from My Utmost For His Highest for today, and i couldn't help but think of what He's been bringing you through the last several months. here it is...
"if you yourself do not cut the lines that tie you to the dock, God will have to use a storm to sever them and to send you out to sea. put everyting in your life afloat upon God, going out to sea on the great swelling tide of His purpose, and your eyes will be opened. if you believe in Jesus, you are not to spend all your time in the calm waters just inside the harbor, full of joy, but always tied to the dock. you have to get out past the harbor into the great depths of God, and begin to know things for yourself - begin to have spiritual discernment."
so Stephie, welcome to the deep waters. it's amazing to see what He's teaching you and how He's refining you.... and know that He won't let your boat sink!