God's purpose or mine?

talk about getting a kick in the behind. wow.
yesterday was my day of panic. or, in other words, a day of lapse in trusting. you see, i trust the Lord to provide. i know that He's in control, and i know that we are walking in obedience to Him. but when all the circumstantial evidence points towards failure and bankruptcy (okay, now i'm being a little dramatic.. but just a little), my faith tends to falter a little. i want to get to the point where the faltering is a non-issue; that no matter what the circumstance, my immediate (and sustaining) response is: "everything will be okay, because He is taking care of us".

major application in our lives: i'm putting in my two weeks next friday, and Matt doesn't have a full time job yet. we still have bills, still need to buy groceries, still need to pay rent. but what do we rely on for that? do we rely on a paycheck? do we rely on "financial security"? or do we rely on the one who owns everything anyway?
i'm choosing the latter.

now for the kick in the butt: i read Oswald Chambers this morning (as is my near-daily practice), and could hardly believe the words i was reading. it spoke to the heart of our situation, and what's been happening in me over the last day or two.

July 28, 2006
God’s Purpose or Mine? (by Oswald Chambers)

He made His disciples get into the boat and go before Him to the other side . . . —Mark 6:45

"We tend to think that if Jesus Christ compels us to do something and we are obedient to Him, He will lead us to great success. We should never have the thought that our dreams of success are God’s purpose for us. In fact, His purpose may be exactly the opposite. We have the idea that God is leading us toward a particular end or a desired goal, but He is not. The question of whether or not we arrive at a particular goal is of little importance, and reaching it becomes merely an episode along the way. What we see as only the process of reaching a particular end, God sees as the goal itself.

What is my vision of God’s purpose for me? Whatever it may be, His purpose is for me to depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me. God is not working toward a particular finish— His purpose is the process itself. What He desires for me is that I see "Him walking on the sea" with no shore, no success, nor goal in sight, but simply having the absolute certainty that everything is all right because I see "Him walking on the sea" ( Mark 6:49 ). It is the process, not the outcome, that is glorifying to God.

God’s training is for now, not later. His purpose is for this very minute, not for sometime in the future. We have nothing to do with what will follow our obedience, and we are wrong to concern ourselves with it. What people call preparation, God sees as the goal itself.

God’s purpose is to enable me to see that He can walk on the storms of my life right now. If we have a further goal in mind, we are not paying enough attention to the present time. However, if we realize that moment-by-moment obedience is the goal, then each moment as it comes is precious."

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